NIGERIAN CHURCHES AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL MADNESS (PART 4) HOUSEHOLD CHURCH OF GOD

Pastor Chris Okotie, divorcee par excellence, vocabulary confusionist, Casanova-in-the-Lord, Nigeria’s imaginary president, and debonair to the core. Whoever told Christians that they cannot marry more than one wife intentionally wanted to make the PIMPINGstry--sorry ministry--difficult for Pastor Okotie. One busy-body said that divorce is to Okotie what strike is to ASUU; some people with their foul mouth, they won’t mind their business. 
The other day, I had this dream how I was on Frank Edoho’s hot seat of MTN’s "Who Wants To Be A Millionair"e TV show. In the dream, Frank Edoho asked this Son of David right here:
“Which of these mammals is Okotie likely to be if he was a four legged creature?”

A- Baboon
B- Dog
C- Both a and b
D- All of the above

Ignorant me, I did not know the answer, so I went for the “ask-the-audience”, lifeline. Before I could read the audience’s answers, my alarm clock woke me up. I wanted to go back and continue the dream, but as I closed my eyes, I had a dream that I was saved a divorced note. That is how I woke-up and sleep left me for one week. But thank goodness that as I was watching the First Lady deliver a speech on TV, sleep suddenly tore our divorce papers. Dia ris miracle!
Chris Okotie
When I lived in Benin City, my neighbor Mama Osas one day was boiling hot at her son, Osas. Trust Benin woman with her vex: “Your Papa no play geetar (the Benin accent of guitar). Me your Mama, Efe no play geeta, why you wan disgrace me turn geeta boy on top all the money wey I don spend for your matter for school?”
“Mama na music me I wan do. It is my passion!” Osas defended.
“If music finish leave you”, continued Mama Osas “wetin you go come do nkor?”
It was there I interfered to appease Mama Osas’ fears: “Mama Osas, no worry, if music finish leave am him go resign go do pastor work”.
Mama Osas, stubbornly pressed: “If preaching finish nkor?” “Mama preaching no dey finish o."
I argued, “you fit preach anything. But if preaching finish, you fit go contest for President talk say na God tell you say you go turn President. That wan no hard na, shooo!”
The dissatisfied Mama Osas, pressed further: “If as pastor you talk say God say him go make you President then you come loose nkor?”
“Mama Osas, hmmm”, I paused. “If you be pastor were contest for President come loose. Na him e be say your party na Fresh Democratic Party (FDP). Even God wey tell you say you go win go turn around vote PDP put for power.”
Na just story I dey talk o before dem “Babatards” carry my matter like divorce matter.

Study has shown that a medical student would most likely finish his/her 7 year medical course, get a job and marry but Okotie will remain single. It went ahead to submit that the medical student will have a child who may grow up to meet Okotie single. I don’t even know who conducted this kind of amebo study and even had the nerve to tag it “the PromiscuOkotie report”. Is marriage by force? Doesn’t the bible say that each one is given his gift- to some the gift of marrying multiple times and then to others the gift of divorcing. We are not all the same, to each man his grace. I don’ know what it is with these people with marriage, after all Paul in the bible was an unmarried man. However, some researchers took the submission of this study very seriously that the subject was brought before T.B Joshua for counseling and deliverance and this is what transpired:

T. B Joshua: Explain yourself! You the spirit tormenting this vessel, show yourself! What kind of spirit are you?

[Doing what spirits normally do in the Synagogue cinema]

Okotie: I am a strong man.

T. B: What kind of strong man are you? Speak up! What did you do to him?

Okotie: I am the spirit of singlehood, divorce and anti-marriage. I destroyed his marriage.

T.B: Don’t waste my time! How did you destroy his marriage?

Okotie: I made him to be speaking big, big grammar to his wife. His wife does not understand him; even in the room. You can also call me spirit of big grammar.

T. B: Give us an example, fast!

Okotie: Like one time, he took his wife to the room and said: “honey, I am experiencing some biological function which has led to an erection, and in order for me to satisfy this compulsion of the male humanoid extraction, I will have spread thee into a situation of fashionable dissection in order to make the budgetary allocation for my intended penetration. If you get me clearly, can I hear you say awhahaha?

T. B: What else have you done to him?
Okotie: I made him not to open his church branches in other places except Lagos.
T. B: Why is this so?

Okotie: haba! He is not even done with the women in Lagos, if I allow him to open a branch in a place like Calabar or Port-Harcourt, do you want him to die? T.B you sef, try think am now; if they kill him for me, who will I possess?

Another thing I do wonder about Okotie's church is whether it is a church service or a potential site for assassination. I mean what the heck are those mean bodyguards and policemen doing around the altar? Is somebody planning to assassinate our dear preacher? That was how I attended the service sometime ago and out of fear of looking into the eyes of the mean guards, I dropped my wallet into the offering box and could not put my back in there to retrieve it out of fear of being mistaken as a security threat. "No be me dem go use learn work!" So I passed.

What happened to the protection from angels? I do not understand how men who claim they that are spokesmen of a being of omnipotent credential will rely on the fortresses and arms of men. Perhaps the angels are on strike and cannot protect him. I thought people who say they have a better place in heaven should be happy to welcome any situation that will arrange their transition to their celestial mansions. Probably they do not want meet their father heaven out of their plenty misdeeds or they do not even believe in the heaven they profess. Men who claim their kingdom is not of this world but have no intention of transcending to the kingdom they profess is theirs.

I’m just speechless

Imoh "Son of David" is a Nigerian atheist, author, publisher, and businessman. He writes from South Africa. Follow him on Twitter and share your thoughts @ImohDavid.

NIGERIAN CHURCHES AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL MADNESS (PART 3) WINNERS CHAPEL

Winners Chapel aka Living Faith Church is arguably the most successful franchise from the pulpit. With so many great feats attached to the international franchise: the largest church auditorium, the largest church worship in a single service, the richest preacher with the largest fleet of private jets and collections of exorbitant schools and of course the largest attraction of arrogant and pompous Christians in this part of the world. If you want to learn how to be an arrogant narcissist in the Lord, Winners Chapel is all you need for your schooling. 
Papa Oyedepo, as he is fondly addressed, is the ultimate icon of pulpitarian glamour. The pastorpreneur of pastorpreneurs. The captain of “churchdustry”, the preacher which other preachers wish to be like and even more. The alpha-priest with an uncanny anointing “extort-ordinaire". So great is this anointing “extort-ordinaire” that the UK could not handle, and out of their colonial love and passion, they ensured our awesome product is contained in our territory.
Can “oyinbo” (British people for that matter), be so nice and generous to the same people who they seek to control in the past? I’m just wondering why the UK will not return our stolen artifacts but will generously return our Papa without us even asking. Can anyone be this nice in returning a priced treasure to the owners at no cost? But anyway, thank you for giving us our Papa, you (oyinbo people) do not know anything that is good for you. We know, so, we keep him fed and fat.
David Oyedepo
That was how one “amebo” busybody colleague back then told me to my face that my Papa is an arrogant man and that he likes slapping people recklessly. He even had the nerve to mention “OLEdepo” into my ears! Aaaaah! I slapped the idiot! How can he talk rubbish about my Papa? Doesn’t he know that slapping and cursing was part of the curriculum my Papa received during his more than 12 hours of revelation before he began ministry? Don’t you know that he is a God of man, sorry Man of God and he can do whatever he likes? You people talk any how against my Papa; you will incur the wrath of God o! But it’s okay (sha) if my Papa acts anyhow, talks and slaps people as he pleases. He cannot incur the wrath of God because he is the God of man, sorry Man of God while you are an Animal of God.
Besides, he is in a better position to decide for all of us who the wrath of God of wrath chooses; he knows God too well than the rest of us, sorry, God knows him to well than the rest of us. So leave the Man of God alone let him do as he pleases, let God be the judge not you! But if you talk anyhow, I’ll descend on you and judge you as I please, because you are just an Animal of God. 
One thing I've been learned so much from my Papa is how to brag without bragging. Don't you admire the way he puts it? "I say this with all amount of humility 'my family and I can never be poor', 'I owe no man (either dead or alive) nothing', etc." I don't know why he has to remind us before the statement that he is of a humble remark like somebody was accusing of him of not? This my Papa (sha) knows how to package o. It reminds me of some folks who automatically get the licence to insult you by beginning their insult with "I don't mean to be rude or insult you..." It makes it so easy that whatever insult they shower afterwards will be covered under their earlier announced contract. Well, that one is worldly things, my Papa is just boasting in the Lord (whatever that means).

When I worked in the Ministry of education, my wicked Director one day asked me to recommend a good university for his Son who freshly left high school. Of course, Covenant University was the best revenge. I knew that his child will not last long there. True to my plans, he was expelled in his third year. What did the boy do? They said he had a porno video in his laptop. So they cast both the spirit of pornography and the boy out of the school. Hahaha!
Chai God of my Papa you too sweet; you have taken revenge for my sake. Anytime you want to recommend a school for your enemy, think of Covenant University. Your ward is more likely to be expelled in Covenant University than any other higher institution in Nigeria. Isn’t it awesome that Covenant expels more students than the rest of other schools in Nigeria? Is it that all the bad students always go to Covenant or Covenant just likes to make students bad in other to expel them? It is only a question I am asking oo before somebody slaps me for being a “witch for Christ.”

My Papa is a living testimony that once you call yourself a man of God, you can do anything and get away. My Papa has this grace that even if he shoots a person point blank on camera, the congregation will give him a standing ovation and we (the congregation) will not hesitate in joining him to shoot the poor victim and bury his corpse afterwards. What else can I say; we are showing the life of Christ and we are in fact the first candidates of heaven. Envy us we have “Papadiction”! See Also

Winners Church members are one hell of a sect. They do not mind emptying their purses into the coffers of the pastor even if that money is for the school fees for their ward. Insult them, say anything but don’t say anything against their Papa; they’ll kill you.
The easiest way to offend and break any relationship with a Winners Church member is to say something they perceive as annoying against their Papa. Even if it’s their sibling that criticizes their Papa, disowning such a “demonic” sibling is as easy as reciting Psalms 23. Well, it is not just peculiar to them. Nigerian masses are so emotionally brilliant that they will rather get angry when their preachers are discussed but will never get angry when they are humiliated and robbed by their politicians. The average religious Nigerian will rather be concerned about who and what is said about their pastor than be concerned about the man who stole from the country’s treasury. If they put them side by side and asked to choose whom to stone, the religious Nigerian will rather choose the man who criticizes his religious leader to death and release the man who stole the country’s wealth. 
My religious Nigerian folks amaze me. They know God so much that they can tell when he is angry and God is always angry when they are angry. The Nigerian God is the type who has a wrath to unleash when an animal of God talks about a man of God but will be merciful when a pastor messes up and above all, he does not desire judgment in this case. What else were you expecting from the most religious people on earth? Religious, but not genius.

However, please don’t slap me for your Papa; I am not a “witch for Christ”.

Imoh "Son of David" is a Nigerian atheist, author, publisher, businessman and he writes from South Africa. Follow him on Twitter @ImohDavid.

PASTORS, SEX AND SCANDAL

Dear Pastor, 
Grace and peace be multiplied unto you. I am optimistic that you are doing well. I have decided to write to you through this medium, not necessarily because I want to follow the evolving trend in our nation, but because ecclesiastical protocols often debar effective lay-clergy communications, particularly, pew initiated engagements that urge pastors to uphold the norms of account-giving behaviour. Again, in face-to-face context, it is not commonly seen as a mark of spiritual heroism for a pastor to share experiences or solicit help on overcoming secret vices till they become public knowledge. In fact, sexual issues are commonly seen as off-limits to explore conversationally.  
Pastor, as you can see, moral decadence is a marked feature of our time. Its ubiquity conveys the notion that we are on the eve of the collapse of our civilisation. As it was, when Roman civilisation was on the cusp of decline, so it is today. Humanity is now intellectually poised to embrace a new civilisation without shared morality, freedom without responsibility, spirituality without grace, theology without Theo, Christianity without Christ, and church without bible. The emerging climate of thought is profoundly marked by ethical haziness.  I guess that the nascent Queen James Version of the bible may become as popular as the authorised King James Version, because of the incessant moral failures of church leaders. Their failures nudge and urge influential leaders of thought to drag humanity along thorny paths of moral ambivalence.
It is common today, to find the kind of Christian C. S Lewis spoke about in his bestselling book, Mere Christianity: “A famous Christian long ago told us that when he was a young man he prayed constantly for chastity; but years later he realised that while his lips had been saying, “Oh Lord, make me chaste,” his heart had been secretly adding, “But please don’t do it just yet.” Folks with this kind of attitude set off an epidemic of drifting away from God. They would neither zip up nor shut up. They have all the trappings of God’s spokesman, but their belief-behaviour dissonance make people to drift from truth, compromise standards, and get by with sloppy living.  
Pastor, it is evident that sexually broken pastors cannot pilot churches to ever-increasing sphere of significance, fix societal ills, and guide humanity along the path of moral probity. Sexual blunders significantly impair ministerial effectiveness. A church leader that misuses his reputational capital cannot make maximum impact. I wonder if there is anything that saps the spiritual vitality of church leaders, and muffle their voices like inappropriate sexual behaviour.  Hence, some can’t decry corruption any longer. Rather, they keep company with political malfeasants. 
Consequently, experimenting with new evil has become a popular hobby. Just like the days before Martin Luther led reformation, some now openly flout ecclesiastical niceties, flaunt depravities, priest and prostitute now tango. Living like pigs, yet, they create Saint Augustine-like aura around themselves, and seek veneration as supposed apostolic authors of Acts 29. Unfortunately, the dynamites of truth hardly blast to shreds a sin-hardened conscience of a regenerated man.
Church crowd during worship service I imagine that if this trend does not abate, very soon, Christians may become flip with God to the point that pastors will exultantly speak about their illicit sexual escapades. It will be punctuated by thunderous shouts of Hallelujah. If they say something like “I am dealing with it. You see, I use to rape minors, but now I sleep only with consenting adults” people will give thanksgiving offerings for the tone down, or supposed lifestyle modification.  
There are many illusions that trigger pastor-related sexual misconducts. For example, there are church-going ladies who think they become anointed by sleeping with anointed men, like you. There are young ladies who mistakenly think it is okay for them to render sexual services to a pastor for ministering deliverance from the spirit of poverty to them. Again, there are those who at the drop of a hat will sleep with a pastor just to be projected as core in his support network. There are also those who feel their bodies are meant to tantalise men to church. In fact, I heard the latest church growth expert in town is fond of saying; to grow a mega-church, grow young women leaders.
Pastor, there is an age-old illusion that you can sleep with a sexpot on the same bed through the night, and you will be still as stone and know that God is God.  Please, don’t experiment. Otherwise, you may become a guinea pig in Satan’s lab. It is conceit to acquiesce with those who peddle the illusion that you live beyond the sphere of sin. Don’t indulge your ego and forfeit your soul. Those that say when you were anointed and appointed, your body became dead, non-responsive to visual and tactile sexual stimulants like an ice-capped man at the North Pole, seek to dig your vocational grave. Don’t allow them to take liberties with you. Build safety barriers against their influences. Cherish your well-honed character, and hard-earned reputation for integrity. If not, you may create life-long debilitating credibility gap.
Credibility, which is fuelled by purity, is the bedrock of pastoral influence. Without it, your belief and behaviour are not worthy of emulation. In other words, credibility deficit will make your influence marginal. Every pastor is bound to fight the battle of credibility. Of course, one critical arena where credibility is tested is in your relationship with the opposite sex. It is ministerial suicide to live like a pig and stream pulpit platitude like an angel. Take some lessons in sexual purity. Live a life of blazing holiness that will refute the prejudices of mean-spirited faultfinders. A pastor is a time bomb going somewhere to explode if discretion and purity are missing in his interactions with the opposite sex. If your bedroom becomes a prayer ground, you are a step away from sleeping with ladies on the altar.  Destruction is afoot whenever discretion is trivialised.

By Omozuwa Gabriel Osamwonyi  (SR)

NIGERIAN CHURCHES AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL MADNESS (PART 2) THE REDEEM CHRISTIAN CHURCH

*In Pastor Adeboye's voice* "Baba God says there is somebody that will be overtaken by his anger after reading this...."
The RCCG is the fastest growing franchise in Nigeria. Besides potential conflict zones, RCCG merchandise is just about everywhere in Nigeria including the bedroom of the oga in Aso Rock. This is to show that "Dia ris God oo". The God of Daddy Adeboye is really a "Baba God". A Baba of private jets, bank CEO clients on EFCC lists, oil magnets patronage, polithiefcians and most especially the man in Aso Rock.
Pastor Adeboye Pastor Adeboye is one "pulpitarian" that seduces my grin. Adeboye has proven that once you tell a story that begins, ends and centres around "Baba God", it can be believed by Nigerian Christians no matter how senseless and untrue it is. The RCCG Christian clan in Nigeria is one Christian sect that can believe any story with the tag of "Baba (God)." 
What is more marvelous than the fact that adults in the 21st century can believe a story that a man travelled from Benin to Lagos on an empty fuel tank? None of them saw it but someone claimed that some sky-Baba told him to travel that far without looking at his fuel gauge. Boom! Everyone believes.
Pastor Adeboye has reached the level where he can tell adults that he went for jogging in heaven before coming to mount the pulpit and the religious folks will believe. I am jealous. What can I smoke to reach the level where I can tell people stories and they'll believe it to be true whether or not it is a lie?

But I do not understand why Baba God has not told Daddy Adeboye to do a crusade in the North in places like Jigawa, Yobe, Bauchi, Borno? Haba! Borno? That is too harsh now! Even Baba does not have such imaginations to send our Daddy to Maiduguri. Baba God (*in Adeboye's voice*) is not interested in winning Boko Haram souls; he'll rather concentrate in repeating same old message to people who have already heard it in Lagos and the South. Baba does not need the souls of terrorists and almajaris, so he'll rather concern himself in giving his servant private jets, schools, offerings, tithes, etc. They are more important than the souls of Almajiris and Boko Haramists.

Isn't it awesome that Baba could make a car drive without fuel from Benin to Lagos (which nobody saw except Baba's servant), but cannot use that same power to arrest Boko Haramists? Is it that somebody's Baba cannot do that or somebody has refused to harken to that voice of Baba or perhaps somebody is afraid to come in contact with any incident that will send him to his Baba God? Hmmm, somebody is afraid to go and meet Baba. Well, it's non of my business before his social bodyguards will "kee" me.

RCCG members are to Nigeria what Ebola is to Liberia; they are an epidemic. One thing about them; they do not fail to announce their presence. Their stickers always do the talking. "Redeem family" on their door posts, on the car, in the office and if it were possible to tattoo it on their forehead, they'll do just that. Even the ones that are flying with their legs will tattoo it on their briefcases with faith that one day they'll paste it on their cars.

These folks can believe anything. A typical Redeem member can believe that he can enter Dubai and automatically and then Baba will give him the ability to speak Arabic instantaneously so that a big firm will pay him in millions of dollars to translate Arabic to English for them overnight. It's not their fault. When you believe that someone drove from Benin to Lagos on an empty fuel tank without seeing it, then you can believe anything.

The RCCG church service; well, I'll give them a C. Unlike that of Christ Embassy which full of unending drama scenes, the RCCG service can put you to snoring.

A mathematician will always be a mathematician, even in the way he talks. Is it just me that notices that Adeboye speaks like he is trying to solve arithmetic without a calculator? It is good packaging though. For it is easier to seduce people on the pulpit when you appear and sound humble. Talking that way will never anger you to slap a poor woman for saying she is "a witch for Christ". At least he is not temperamental like his Ota counterpart. Another good thing about talking that way is that it makes it so easy to go unnoticed that you are a lazy praying man.

Adeboye simply calls-out prayer topics and suffers the poor congregation to pray lengthy and chew their hearts out and after that he ends it with a short line "my Baba says it is done" and they shout Amen! After all, they won't call it laziness; it is an excuse for faith. If it was me that was praying that way they'll say I do not have a spiritual life, since there is no Daddy or Papa attached to my name; I am jealous. On the other hand, why would you have to extend your prayers when you already have private jets and a Commander-in-Client? What do you want to pray for? Leave the prayer for the poor men to tear apart.

I want to make an appeal that the dear Daddy should refrain from praying and prophesying about national issues. The first time I heard him speak about national issue was when President Jonathan wanted to contest in 2011. He said Baba God will send good leaders to Nigeria and we ended up with President Goodluck Jonathan. If president GEJ is what Baba intended to send to us, all I can say is "Baba, you can do better than this."

Few months before the subsidy removal he prayed that Baba will work on the country. Before we knew it, the President removed subsidy.

Again, he prayed and cursed Boko Haram, few weeks later Boko Haram attacked Yobe schools and now Baba's curse on Boko Haram has led to the Chibok tragedy and many more. When news broke that American soldeirs will be joining the Chibok pursuit, he said that Baba will cause the girls to be released soon. Baba must have a special kind of soon.

Whether or not Adeboye's Baba functions, nobody asks questions because nobody questions Baba's spokesman. I don't know whether Adeboye is Baba or Baba is Adeboye. Because if Baba cannot be questioned and Adeboye too cannot be questioned, it means Baba and Adeboye are the same. Well, let me keep quiet "Babatards" will nail me for talking about Baba. Babacracy, you too sweet!

Imoh "Son of David" is a Nigerian Atheist, author, publisher and business man and he writes from South Africa. Follow him on Twitter @ImohDavid.

NIGERIAN CHURCHES AND THEIR INDIVIDUAL MADNESS (PART 1)

Believers Love World, aka Christ Embassy, is my favourite clan of all the Nigerian Christian blocs.

If you are no stranger to these Christians, you’ll definitely agree that there is no funeral spirit around these guys. They are just one hell of a sui generis in the sky-daddy bandwagon.

Attend one of their services, I assure you there is no house of bedlam like the Christ Embassy church service. I call it a beautiful absurdity; an orgasmic show of religious fascism at its best. Nobody, I say it again: Nobody does the mental fascism thing better than the Christ Embassy bunch. It is so enviable that I had to dedicate my biro to this.

First of all, a moment of silence for a Christ Embassy brother somewhere, applying gel and hair relaxer on his head. Right now as you read this, an adult male somewhere is partaking in some form of fascist cosmetics in order to come close in appearance to his venerated Pastor Chris Onyakhilome; their idol of a general overseer. I heard if you are an adult male in the crew and you haven’t applied some gel and hair relaxer, then you are a novice. The sisters, droll for the brother who speaks, looks and act Pastor Chris.

Ever attended a Christ Embassy service and listened to their sermon? If the preacher is to preach for 60 minutes; 40 minutes of sermons goes this way: “Pastor Chris says….”, “Pastor Chris once said…

To the fellas: Is there any Christ Embassy female you are wooing and she is not giving in? Now, take my generous advice to the Casino:

Go get your hair some laxative product, practice some Pastor Chris accent and then memorize his fuzzy lines. Get a clean white suit. Learn to technically use words like “Zoe”, “Rhapsody”, “Grace”, “Different”, etc. Most importantly, spew your garbage very beautifully; you know that soft-madness they call “Speaking-in-tongues”? Get it right.

So you walk-up to your “Embassy” sister target with your curly hair, a pastor Chris smile on a white suit and of course amble graciously like the venerated idol, and then begin with the Pastor Chris accent:

“Hey sister, you are the “Zoe” of the year, the prophecy of the century; the one who Isaiah spoke about. You are the Rhapsody of our time, for the Grace of your beauty shall make nations fall at thy feet. Because of the supernatural auction of the word on you, you shall suck the breast of Kings and become the envy of nations. All things are mine in the holy ghost; I speak you into my bedroom lapasantrakado! Pepelepekendato! Meme suntafantakando!” And boom! It is done. Lest I forget, be sure to have Pastor Chris’ posters in your apartment, use it for your mobile wallpaper. Play Pastor Chris sermons and some Sinach’s music in your car stereo. Be 100% “Christic” and I swear she’ll be in between the sheets performing the holy ghost show.

Ever attended a Christ Embassy service and listened to their sermon? If the preacher is to preach for 60 minutes; 40 minutes of sermons goes this way: “Pastor Chris says….”, “Pastor Chris once said…”, 

“I remember when Pastor Chris talked about…”, “I learned from pastor Chris that….” etc. The remaining 20 minutes will be dedicated to motivational lines and rhetoric like “You are different!” “You are the salt of the earth”, “where men fail, you shall succeed”, “Let the world see the excellence in you”, etc. And most importantly the organizational soft-madness called “Speaking-in-tongues”, is never missing in action. Christ embassy has remixed their with version spices like “holy-ghost laughter”, “Holy-ghost worship”, etc. If you’re bored on a Sunday morning, just visit a branch and see the beauty of organizational mental fascism.

One thing that seduces me about them is their holy secularism. In this Christian sect, there is little discrimination on the appearance of a person. Wear dreadlocks, tattoos, mini-skirts, low-waist jeans, sagging pants or even walk into their auditorium with a bikini, nobody cares. “To the pure, all things are pure”, they say. Their open-arms to all is unequal; Pastor Chris is not a limited minded pastorpreneur. I am so inspired!

Yes, business man I say. Don’t kill me dear pastor “Christists”. Isn’t the gospel a business? The biblical Jesus once called it “my father’s business”, do not crucify my garrulous ass please. I know you all can catch a grenade for Pastor Chris and throw same for him. I pledge allegiance!

The Christ Embassy clan are the most intelligent and creative of all the Christian sects in Nigeria. An average Christ Embassy churchgoer is more tolerant, open-minded and creative than their other sky-band counterparts in Nigeria. Put a Christ Embassy member side by side with a TB Joshua patronizer or a Lazarus Mouka crew member, the mentality of the Christ Embassy fellow surpasses the rest.

They have a way of making their “shit” sound intelligent by applying some fancy verbiages and pseudo-philosophical rhetoric to sound nice. But shit is shit no matter how hard you try to package it in a beautiful bag. Once you open it up, it still greets your nose with it’s reputable reception.

By Imoh David

A TALE OF TWO CONTRADICTORY GOSPELS

The true gospel empties the churches; while the false gospel fills them.

Most Christians are unaware that the gospel Jesus preached is contradicted by Paul. The gospel of Jesus is bittersweet; presenting great challenges to believers. Paul’s gospel is “sugar and spice and all things nice;” offering few challenges.

Of course, the preferred gospel is the one Paul preached. It is the commercial gospel, tailor-made for lovers of life. It is enamoured by those who desire salvation but are not inclined to meet its costs. But don’t buy the lie. Paul’s gospel cannot save. Jesus is our Lord and Saviour.

Gospel imperatives

At the centre of Jesus’ gospel is the need for sinners to repent. Jesus says: “‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:13). But Paul disagrees. He says: “The gifts and calling of God are without repentance.” (Romans 11:29). Furthermore, he bases his gospel on sacrifice. Hear him: “Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us.” (1 Corinthians 5:7).

The gospel of the kingdom requires that we yearn for the righteousness of God. Jesus says: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6). However, righteousness is not a prerequisite in Paul’s gospel. Instead, he reassures sinners nonsensically that God justifies the ungodly: “To the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness.” (Romans 4:5).

In Jesus’ gospel, the righteous are rewarded with eternal life. (Matthew 25:46). Jesus says: “The righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father.” (Matthew 13:43). However, in Paul’s gospel: “There is none righteous, no, not one.” (Romans 3:10). Therefore, Paul says: “(Righteousness) shall be imputed to us who believe in him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead.” (Romans 4:24).

The gospel of a kingdom not of this world is bad news to the rich of this world. Jesus says: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:24). But Paul’s gospel of grace is about our becoming rich in this world: “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.” (2 Corinthians 8:9).

Faith with works

Jesus’ gospel requires us to become God’s children by doing God’s works. Jesus says: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:44-45). “Those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned.” (John 5:29).

However, Paul’s gospel is about faith without works. He says: “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

In Jesus’ gospel, we determine our salvation. His cardinal kingdom principle makes salvation entirely our responsibility. Jesus warns: “Whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:25). He says elsewhere: “With the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Mark 4:24).

But in Paul’s gospel, salvation is God’s responsibility; we are predestined to salvation. Paul’s says: “Those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son… And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified.” (Romans 8:29-30). This clearly contradicts Jesus position that: “Many are called but few are chosen.” (Matthew 22:14).

With Jesus, we carry our crosses ourselves. Jesus says: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” (Mark 8:34). However, with Paul, Jesus allegedly carried our crosses for us in that we were crucified with him. Paul says: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20).

Cost of salvation

With Jesus, forgiveness comes as we readily forgive all our offenders. Jesus says: “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15). But with Paul, forgiveness comes without preconditions; it is the grace of God: “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins.” (Colossians 2:13).

With Jesus, freedom from sin comes as we follow his word. Jesus says: “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32). But with Paul, Christians are automatically free from sin because we died with Christ: “Our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.” (Romans 6:6-7).

Paul says: “The gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23). But according to Jesus, eternal life is not God’s gift at all; it comes at great cost. Jesus says: “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” (Matthew 19:29).

Therefore, Jesus warns us to count the cost before deciding to follow him: “No one can become my disciple unless he first sits down and counts his blessings- and then renounces them all for me.” (Luke 14:33).

Everlasting gospel

Some maintain Paul’s gospel of grace is a post-resurrection dispensational replacement for Jesus’ gospel of the kingdom. However, Jesus confirms no such replacement. Instead he says: “This gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” (Matthew 24:14). Jesus does not introduce Paul’s doctrine of blood-atonement on his resurrection. His directive remains that “repentance and forgiveness of sins” should be preached in his name.” (Luke 24:47).

In Acts, Peter does not associate Jesus’ death with the atonement of sins. (Acts 2:37-43). He says the righteousness of God comes by works. (Acts 10:34-35). But Paul says Christians automatically become new creatures: “old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

In effect, Paul’s gospel is false. It merely tests those who would embrace Jesus’ gospel. Jesus’ gospel offers a narrow gate and a difficult way that leads to life; while Paul’s gospel offers a wide gate and a broad way that leads to destruction. (Matthew 7:13-14). Accordingly, the true gospel empties the churches; while the false gospel fills them.

Christians must reject Paul’s enticing gospel. John warns: “Whoever does not abide in the doctrine of Christ does not have God. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this doctrine, do not receive him.” (2 John 1:9-10)

 

By Femi Aribisala.

 

RELIGION IS NIGERIA'S OPIUM AND WOES!

Nigeria is endowed with unbelievable wealth, but resources without a system, structure and lasting institutions is dangerous. Religion, poverty, ignorance & illiteracy have destroyed our value system in Nigeria. Religion is clearly the opium of the oppressed and keeps Nigerians addictively high with illusions that things will get better as long as they fast and pray.
These can clearly be seen in this viral Video of Wealthy man of God in Nigeria assaulting young female who is unyielding and kneeling before him in front of his congregation as they cheer him for his actions Click here to watch



or this documentary by Seyi Rhodes exposing Nigerian preachers Click here to watch.




With all these religious intolerance going on in Nigeria wars are fought, lives are lost and the little infrastructures we have are destroyed. There is a notable saying in Nigeria that says "Suffering and Smiling" which means Nigerians are happy people though we face hard times in our country we still get to smile. Let us not forget that the saddest people have the best smile because they try to cover up their sadness so smiling doesn't make you a happy person. Let us not boast with smiles, because other countries with little natural resources like Nigeria have more than smiles to brag about. If only Nigerians will change their mentality of suffering and smiling which makes us laid back and accept our fate as it is and bother less to make changes or even fight for what is right.
My observation form the ongoing problems Nigeria has been facing can be traced down to religion. Be it Muslims, Christians or any other religion in Nigeria. Religion itself is very confusing with more than 20 documented religions existing in the world and all battling for supremacy of their messiahs. It is this confusion that the religious leaders capitalize upon to sedate their followers, oppress and extort them of their meager salary and hold them hostage with promises from above (Heaven) and hopes for miracles.
Religion is seriously turning into social gatherings, house of senate and life future securing areas where the unmarried go to seek for marriage, the jobless go for job seeking instead of filling out applications, actions that should be taken against our corrupt leaders are tabled in the church in prayers. Students come to pray for success in exams instead of studying, the weirdest thing I have seen in Nigeria is the pastors blessing the pen the students will use in writing exams and asking the Holy Spirit to take control in the exam hall. Nigerians forget that faith without works is dead, little or no input of energy leads to less or no force output and "he who do not know that he doesn't know it will never know it expect you try to know it".
The only way out of this bondage of fanaticism, religious bigotry and too much uncontrolled religiosity is education and empowering Nigerians. But unfortunately many Nigerians prefer to be instructed than educated, oppressed than empowered and always blame spiritual influence on any predicament they face which leads to an average Nigerians paranoia.
There are many things that require our physical actions to change positively but instead we Nigerians hide in our rooms, churches, night vigil, religious conventions etc. pretending to be praying for a solution. We do not need any rocket science to turn the bad situation around for better but our collective physical efforts to get in tune with our community, what is going on around us and know our rights.
Nigerians only believe in prayers without any physical action whatsoever, which is the result of the stagnant growth our country is facing today. We spend most of our time praying for things that need our efforts and actions (Example: please God touch the heart of our leaders, please God make Nigeria a better place, please God touch the heart of our corrupt police men, Fire of God burn our corrupt leaders, the list goes on). Leaving our corrupt leaders unchallenged and grant them freedom to run the country down because the followers are not concerned with the politics of the country rather waiting for an Act of God to turn Nigeria to a beautiful utopia. Why can't we call a spade, a spade and stop letting sleeping dogs lie? With all sincerity, religious sentiments put aside of which Nigerians are sentimentally dogmatic which makes them conceal the truth because the subject is from their constituency (religion or tribe).
If Martin Luther King didn't fight as hard as he did to make a change, only spent his time in the church and preferred to be instructed by most uneducated religious leaders we have in Nigeria who are money minded, he wouldn't have had a "Dream". If Nelson Mandela prayed once and asked the Holy Spirit to stop apartheid, and didn't sweat, bleed and go to jail for it what would have been the fate of South Africa? If Obama decided to be a junior pastor whose duty is to carry the senior pastor's bible around and preach false messages of change only to enrich his pocket than working hard to make his famous and Victorious Change Speech, I guess a USA black president would have been a Greek myth.
If only the Nigerian youths will reject our countries apathy towards ongoing crisis and be the voice of the nation, if every Nigerian will stand upright and challenge what is wrong, things would be a little better. A revolution doesn't have to be bloody to be a revolution. If we have unity amongst us, empower the young generation, educate and not destroy, work towards bringing positive change to be able to revolve around Nigeria's current political and economic situation, that is what I call a "Revolution". Change is all we have, education is the foundation to build an economy and "In God We Trust".

by Michael John Anyaehie