I’m
a big fan of meditation and personal reflection. I try to spend an
hour each day in thoughtful introspection. I’ve found that practice to
bring me inspiration, clarity and peace. While I no longer call this
exercise prayer, I’m comfortable with those who frame this experience as
a connection with something beyond themselves – be it god or some
power. Maybe it is. As long as your inner voice isn’t telling you to
hurt yourself or me, I’d recommend listening to it. That being said,
when it comes to making requests of god, I hate prayer.
Prayer
I
haven’t always hated intercessory prayer – the type of prayer intended
to alter future outcomes. Indeed, there was a period of my life when I
often requested things of God and even thought some of those prayers
were answered. When prayers weren’t answered, I’d repeat the Christian
mantra – sometimes God says yes, sometimes God say no and sometimes God
says wait. This formula was fairly easy to sustain as an affluent
American Christian. All of my basic needs and most of my desires were
met. It seemed as if my prayers were often answered.
Ironically,
it was in becoming a pastor that this understanding of prayer began to
fail. As a pastor, I was constantly asked to pray for some of the most
heart wrenching situations – physical healing, broken relationships,
destitution, addiction, and psychological trauma. Again and again, the
answers “no” or “wait” made no sense. “Yes” seemed the only appropriate
answer to such pleas. When I told people – in response to their
unanswered prayers – that God’s ways were mysterious, it rang hollow in
my ears. Answered prayers began to look more like happy coincidence
than divine intervention.
Even
before I became an atheist, I gave up intercessory prayer. When people
would stand up in church and celebrate the most trivial occurrences as
answered prayers, I felt embarrassed. I knew there were people in the
pews dealing with unanswered prayers about horrific situations. I began
to research the science behind prayer. I discovered there was not a
single study that found prayer capable of altering outcomes unless – and
this is very important – the persons being prayed for knew they were
the objects of prayer. In other words, telling someone you’re praying
for them has a positive effect on them, but praying for them without
telling them is useless. Obviously, the positive impact had nothing to
do with god and a lot to do with human psychology.
So
for the last few years of my religious life, I tolerated talk of
intercessory prayer. What could it hurt? If people told others they
were praying for them, it brought that person some real comfort. If
people prayed for someone without their knowledge, it did no harm. Most
claims of divine intervention seemed expressions of gratitude rather
than of how the universe worked. People prayed and some disaster was
avoided. People wished for some good outcome and it happened.
Crediting such events to God was gratifying. While there was no
evidence I could see of God intervening in the world, people seemed to
like to think so.
Today,
I no longer see such sentiments as harmless. Hearing them from outside
the confines of religious culture, I am aware of an arrogance and
ugliness to which I had been oblivious. In the past year, I’ve begun to
cringe when I hear statements like “God answers prayer” and “Prayer
works.” I’ve bitten my tongue when people describe some trivial
occurrence as evidence of God’s responsiveness. Do they really think
they are so special? I finally understand why such claims are so
damaging both to the speaker and the hearer.
Consider
this example. When I was sixteen, one of my friends received a brand
new car as a birthday present. As a person driving an old beat up
truck, I was obviously envious, but I understood the inequities of
life. I didn’t get irritated until my friend made it a point at every
opportunity to announce, “Look at this car my parents bought for me.”
Eventually, I avoided him and his car. Of course, there was nothing
wrong with my friend being grateful for the present and for thanking his
parents. What was obnoxious was his constant need to make certain
everyone knew of his good favor.
This
is how I feel about claims of answered prayer. If you really think God
has intervened on your behalf, thank God and keep it to yourself. The
minute you broadcast that good fortune as divine blessing, your purpose
is no longer gratitude. It is pride and arrogance. You are convinced
at some deep level of God’s special favor. In proclaiming this good
fortune, you are also calling into question the status of everyone
else. When you celebrate even the most amazing occurrences –
successfully overcoming cancer, surviving a tornado, or a sudden and
unexpected financial windfall – you are suggesting those who are dying
of cancer, killed in the tornado or poor and destitute are less favored
by God. Your prayers were answered, but not theirs.
Perhaps
the more graphic examples of this cruelty happened in one of my last
years of ministry. One Sunday, a woman stood to announce that – after
several months – her prayers had been answered and she was pregnant.
Everyone was excited and happy for her, except for me and one other. As
I looked out on the congregation I saw the crestfallen face of a woman
who had recently shared with me her long depression over her
infertility. It wasn’t enough that she would never have children. Now
she had to struggle with why her prayers went unanswered.
If
there is a god who answers the prayers of some men, women and children,
but ignores the prayers of others, I have no interest in such a god.
That god would be source of inequity and not a god of justice. I would
hate a god who answered trivial requests while ignoring the pleas of the
parents of starving children. However, I don’t think that god or any
other god exists. I think what people claim as answered prayers are
happy coincidences. I don’t begrudge them their good fortune, but I’ve
come to despise their expressions of spiritual privilege. Isn’t it
enough that life is good? Why besmirch the character of those less
fortunate?
Usually,
I say nothing when people celebrate intercessory prayer, but I don’t
know how much longer I can give my silent assent to such ugliness. I
wish far more Christians obeyed Jesus and did their praying – and their
celebrating of answered prayer – in a closet rather than in the public
square. Those who insist on flaunting their good fortune remind more
and more of my sixteen year old friend – insecure, immature and
insensitive.
==================
Jim
Mulholland spent twenty-five years as a pastor. He wrote several best
selling Christian books and spoke nationally. In 2008, he resigned when
his faith faltered. After several years of transition, Jim published
the book Leaving Your Religion and began writing a blog on becoming
post-religious. You can read more of Jim’s story and reflections
atLeavingYourReligion.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment